There was an article written by a Japanese woman writer. I can’t remember where I saw it. But it stated, “I believe Japanese women are most comfortable when they are alone in their apartment, wearing nothing but their underwear”.
I must be by all means, a Japanese woman.
I stand in front of my mirror, naked. I’m 36. I’m adult now. My body could use a workout. I’m sad a little to see my huge belly. But I dismiss the criticism in my mind; this is me. I must be thankful for my strong and healthy body.
I take a closer look and see the scars on top of my right eyebrow. They are almost invisible. Only if you take a closer look you can make out two small cuts. These are my secret scars. If someone can make them out, maybe he or she wonder if I was in a fight. Or did I fall? The wounds took incredibly long time to heal. Almost a year. Even now sometimes they sting. Maybe they are near a nerve or something.
It’s almost rainy season here in Japan. The blue, humid, season of erotic promise of summer. During daytime, I stay in my house alone, wrapping my naked body in a towelket (towel + blanket, get it?). Although I miss my friends I’d rather stay in. I let my mind wander free.
I can’t tell a lie. I’m that kind of person. Fundamentally I believe I should live like this, with brutal honesty.
Japan can be quite a difficult place to live for a person like me. Like alcohol, for example. Going to my favorite bar, people ask me “don’t you drink?”. If I say “I stopped drinking”, or “I don’t drink” people are going to ask me why. And then eventually they drill me to get real answer. So I realized it’s easier to lie, “Today I’m taking a break”, or “I’m having a hangover” and so on. It’s good to be practical.
Layer of clothing might be necessary in order to deal with outside world comfortably. However, artist is always standing naked in front of the world. The exposure always hurts. I have not found easy solution to this.
But I love the feeling after my exhibition when I know it’s over and done, and the pictures are finally out from my heart. It makes me feel empty and fresh, like something passed through me, and my hands are empty.
I want to approach the opportunity of tomorrow today with this feeling.
